When Purity Culture Leaves You Anxious, Ashamed, or Depressed: Therapy for Healing Sexual Trauma

For many people, purity culture didn’t just shape beliefs about sex—it shaped their entire nervous system.

If you grew up with messages about sexual purity, modesty, waiting, or sexual control, you may still feel the impact years later. Anxiety, depression, compulsive thoughts, shame, confusion around desire, or a fractured sense of identity are not signs that something is wrong with you.

They are signs that something happened to you.

What Purity Culture Really Was

Purity culture, popularized in the 1990s and early 2000s through books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, was framed as moral guidance. But beneath the surface, it functioned as a system of sexual control.

Often supported by churches—and reinforced by cultural and political fear during the AIDS epidemic—purity culture emphasized:

  • Abstinence above education

  • Sexual shame over curiosity

  • Obedience over consent

  • Fear over embodied wisdom

Young people were taught that their worth was tied to sexual behavior, especially girls and gender-nonconforming youth. Desire became dangerous. Curiosity became sinful. Bodies became something to police rather than inhabit.

The Mental Health Impact of Purity Culture

Purity culture doesn’t end when someone leaves the church. It often lives on internally, showing up as:

  • Anxiety around desire, intimacy, or relationships

  • Depression and emotional numbness

  • Compulsive sexual or intrusive thoughts

  • Slut-shaming turned inward

  • Difficulty with boundaries or consent

  • Stunted emotional and relational development

  • Confusion or shame around gender fluidity or sexual identity

  • “Purity movement marriages” marked by fear, obligation, or lack of emotional safety

For many, identity development was interrupted. Instead of exploring who they were, they learned who they should be. The result is often an adult who feels disconnected from their body, unsure of their needs, and deeply self-critical.

If this resonates, you’re not alone—and you’re not weak.

Why Purity Culture Creates Anxiety and Depression

Purity culture teaches the nervous system to stay on high alert:

  • Am I crossing a line?

  • Am I bad for wanting this?

  • Will I be rejected if I’m honest?

Over time, this constant internal monitoring creates anxiety. When desire, curiosity, or authenticity feel unsafe, the system may respond with shutdown, numbness, or depression.

These responses are protective, not pathological.

How Somatic Therapy Like Internal Family Systems (IFS) Helps

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a trauma-informed, somatic therapy that understands these symptoms as parts of you that adapted to survive a controlling environment.

In IFS, we recognize:

  • Protective parts that suppress desire, monitor behavior, or criticize

  • Parts carrying shame, grief, or fear from purity teachings

  • Exiled parts that never got to explore identity, pleasure, or agency

  • Self-energy—your innate capacity for compassion, clarity, and internal leadership

Rather than forcing change, IFS helps you listen to your body, understand your internal system, and gently release shame that never belonged to you.

Because IFS is somatic, healing happens not just through insight—but through felt safety in the nervous system.

What Healing Can Look Like

Through IFS therapy, many people begin to:

  • Feel less anxious around desire and intimacy

  • Release internalized shame and self-judgment

  • Reconnect with their body and sense of self

  • Experience relief from depression and numbness

  • Clarify identity, boundaries, and values

  • Build relationships rooted in choice, not fear

Healing doesn’t mean rejecting your entire past. It means reclaiming your autonomy, your body, and your inner truth.

You Deserve Support

If purity culture shaped your anxiety, depression, or sense of self, therapy can help you untangle what was imposed from who you truly are.

You’re invited to book a free 20-minute consultation to explore whether a 55-minute Internal Family Systems (IFS) session with Deep Water feels supportive for you.

Sessions are available in person or virtually.

👉 Schedule your free consultation at DeepwaterSoulCare.org

You were never meant to live under constant self-surveillance.
Healing begins when shame is replaced with compassion—and your body is finally allowed to exhale.

Free 20 min Consultation
Nathan CooleyPurity culture, Sexual tramma, Spiritual abuse, Slut shaming, Joshua Harris, Aids epidemic, Therapy, Therpist, Colorado, Front Range, Longmont, Denver, Boulder, Internal Family Systems, Somatic therapy, Religious Harm Recovery, Religious Trauma Recovery, Spiritual Abuse, Sexual Control