You’re Not Broken — There Are Different Parts of You: An Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy
Healing comes from learning to love and accept all parts of you!
What Is Internal Family Systems?
Have you ever noticed how one part of you wants to move forward… while another part holds you back?
One part wants closeness in relationships… while another pulls away?
One part feels hopeful… and another feels anxious for no clear reason?
Most people assume this means something is wrong with them.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a different understanding.
You’re not broken.
You have different parts within you, and each one developed for a reason. Parts are feelings, thoughts or emotions you store in your body. These parts are often shaped by pain or trauma from your past.
IFS is a gentle, trauma-informed approach to emotional healing developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. Instead of trying to eliminate anxiety, shame, anger, or fear, IFS helps you understand why those emotions exist and what they are trying to protect inside you.
At its heart, IFS teaches that your reactions are not random — they are meaningful.
Your Inner World: Understanding “Parts”
IFS explains that your mind works more like a team than a single voice.
You may recognize some of these inner experiences:
The Inner Critic (“You should be doing better.”)
The Perfectionist (“Don’t make a mistake.”)
The Pleaser (“Keep everyone happy.”)
The Avoider (“Let’s distract and not think about it.”)
The Angry Protector (“I won’t be hurt again.”)
The Numb One (“I feel nothing.”)
These responses are not problems to eliminate.
They formed to protect a younger, vulnerable place inside you — what many people call the inner child.
The Real Issue Isn’t the Protector — It’s the Pain It Guards
IFS describes three main categories of inner parts:
Managers
Managers are the protective parts that work hard to keep life organized, stable, and emotionally manageable. They create structure and predictability so you don’t have to feel the pain they believe would overwhelm you. While their intentions are deeply purposeful, their constant vigilance can quietly limit freedom and keep you from finding healing.
Firefighters
They react when emotions feel overwhelming — anger outbursts, shutdown, compulsive behaviors, numbing, or avoidance.
Exiles
These are the younger wounded parts carrying shame, loneliness, fear, rejection, or abandonment.
The Most Important Discovery in IFS: The Self
IFS teaches that beneath all your parts is your core Self — the steady, compassionate center of who you are.
When you are connected to Self, you naturally experience:
Calm
Curious
Creative
Clarity
Compassion
Confidence
Courage
Connection
Healing doesn’t happen by fighting yourself.
Healing happens when your calm inner Self gently turns toward the hurting places inside you.
As that happens, your protective patterns no longer have to work so hard.
What an IFS Session Feels Like
IFS is not about forcing you to relive trauma or analyzing your past endlessly.
Instead, it feels like guided inner awareness. You learn to:
Notice a feeling or reaction
Find where it shows up in your body
Become curious instead of critical
Understand what that part is protecting
Bring care to the younger place that needed help
Many people discover their anxiety softens not because they tried harder, but because they finally listened inward with compassion.
What IFS Can Help With
Internal Family Systems therapy can be helpful for:
Anxiety and overthinking
Depression
Relationship struggles
Attachment wounds
Religious trauma
Shame and self-criticism
Emotional overwhelm
Repeating patterns you can’t seem to change
IFS works deeply because it addresses the emotional roots, not just coping skills.
Listen to a Real IFS Session
If you’re curious what this actually sounds like, you’re invited to listen to Nathan Cooley, Director of Deep Water Soul Care, as a guest on the Holistic Health with Melissa Armstrong Podcast, where he walks through an Internal Family Systems session.
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2O3Yx0gHxF7bzlj2Dtnq5U?si=LgOONmJ-SdaA0GIlz3ba6Q
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-46-why-trauma-lives-in-the-body-ifs-somatic/id1778991009?i=1000748373617Free Consultation
If something in this article resonated with you, your system may already be ready for healing.
Deep Water Soul Care offers a free 20-minute consultation where you can share what you’re going through, ask questions, and see if Internal Family Systems work is a good fit for you.
You don’t have to have the right words.
You just have to start the conversation — gently, and at your own pace.